you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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