Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Brb crying the tears of my youth
pray to the hookup gods
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
