Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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