what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
