I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
