I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
