It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
