I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
