I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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