Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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