At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
why do cheetos always look like penises
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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