A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
