my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
