did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
