I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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