She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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