i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
accomplished twins. life is a go
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
