Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The Olympian is in my bed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
