you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
