Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize