How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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