He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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