I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
