Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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