Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
