We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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