You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
