His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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