just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Drunk is not a location!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
