life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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