Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
