Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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