No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
