Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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