yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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