I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
