I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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