totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
