My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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