Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
