please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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