smell my finger.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
