C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
