there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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