I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
