singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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