i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize