her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
