this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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