Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
