oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
