i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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