I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
