aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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