escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
