I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize