my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
