omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
