Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
