She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
