How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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