i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize