He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the day after is always just damage control
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
