; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
