I think I won the penis lottery.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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