my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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