i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
