you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
