if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
