I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
