I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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