Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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