I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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