So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
