Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
