I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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