that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
