I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
