I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
