In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
