Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
