mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
